Taking Action
Life Beyond the Armor can be transformative when it's the right fit for you—here's what to consider to make the tools as effective as possible.
The life skills you’ve gleaned, the circumstances you’re in, and your general mental health will all influence how beneficial it might be for you to address your own social hiding. Learning to live beyond your armor is not necessarily “all you need to live your best life”.
*If there are deeper issues for you to address, LBA’s tools won’t get you there. Some hiding is a natural outcome of trauma and other life experiences.* While it might be helpful to start with LBA tools, look to see if your social hiding is due to deeper issues. If it is, please seek appropriate help. But if you feel social hiding is what’s been holding you back, there’s no question that it’s a powerful path to explore.
If you decide you want to jump into LBA’s tools, you’ll find them in the Offerings section. But first, here are some helpful things to know:
It only works with other people. Social hiding is social! Logically, identifying and gaining mastery over the ways you hide requires (cue the dun dun dun duuuuun sound) being in partnership with someone. Overcoming social hiding in isolation rarely works. Partnering up with someone as a first step your emergence makes all the difference. And, as hard as it might be to find such a person, partner up with someone who fully believes in your goals and your ability to reach them. Preferably someone who's also transforming their hiding— it really does feel safer and easier!
Your inner monologue isn't true. We experience our thoughts as real, but they're just in your head—not facts in the outside world. Ever heard two people argue over whether it's rude to ghost someone? They each believe fully believe their own thought is a universal truth. But there are no universal truths about ghosting, just opinions, guidelines, and maybe widespread agreement within particular communities. The people arguing about it needn’t defend their positions so vehemently; their own thoughts are the truth. So when you feel terrible bringing only chips and store-bought dip to potlucks because "I can't cook"—that's not the truth. You may need to follow a recipe or learn to boil water, but you are fundamentally able to cook. Your inner monologue will say all sorts of things you don't need to hear, but you can do it. Because you're human.
You can't "just make it go away.” The painful experience that created your hiding behaviors was real. Embrace that it happened and that you were hurt by it. It was formative, and that matters. Your reaction was perfect and beyond your control—your brain was behind the wheel. We can't make ourselves feel a particular way; no human has that ability. And the old saying is true: "Whatever you resist persists." So resisting or denying your social pain will simply make it last, and last. It's easier to gain mastery by saying, "I'm really scared about this because of my XYZ experience, AND right now I want to do this thing I've been hiding from." Once you have the tools built on this solid foundation you will have that ability. You can do it. Because you're human.
Gossiping and judging others makes it harder for you to feel safe enough to overcome social hiding. The more you teach your brain that people and relationships are unsafe, the more it will protect you. Living in the world of gossip and judgement does just that — It keeps your brain in alert state about people judging and gossiping about you. So here's the thing: Once you stop gossiping and being judgmental, you'll worry less that people are gossiping about you! And yes, it’s entirely possible for you to minimize your judgey, gossipy thoughts and to simply stop having conversations that are based on judgement and gossip. A bonus: It’s a happier life across the board.
Consider how your relationships impact how your feelings about who you are and what you do. Most cultures expect that we prioritize loyalty to our friends and families.
None of these is easy to do.
None of these steps is easy to take: It’s hard to form partnerships around the things that make us vulnerable. It’s impossible to instantly give up being judgemental, and it’s difficult to do it over time. And giving up gossip is annoyingly hard, when everybody around you wants to gossip with you every time you talk. (At LBA we go by the idea that judgement and gossip are the easiest things to talk about when you’re not used to connecting at a more vulnerable level.) sdhdfgnfgn
Emerging from hiding isn’t easy. asdfdfgsdfg The truth, though, is that taking each of these steps will make your life better. From